Children

from The Commission by Rachel Parris

	/

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lyrics

No I shouldn't have children, I'd break them
I'd leave them on the bus
No I shouldn't have children, I'd lose them,
Social services make a fuss
Yeah I'd probably drop them
Or swap them for a Moccachino Frap
Or put them in a wheelie bin like that woman with the cat...

And you know the small ones? babies? You know, the ones that cry?
Well they're pretty heavy! For small things... and my arms would get quite tired
And I guess rearing children is as demanding as watering some plants,
And I know that this summer I really neglected my chrysanths.

Can you ignore them? Children?
They're mostly little show-offs and they always say with show-offs you ignore them, then they go away.
Can you insure them? Children?
The payments would be high but really in the current climate, to insure them seems the prudent way
(save for that rainy day...)

No I mustn't have children, I'd break them,
And here's what's on my mind:
If your child's a dickhead, real dickhead,
You still have to take his side!
Imagine you give birth to someone who then turn out to be
Jeremy Clarkson, or Jedward, or the cast of Made In Chelsea...

So from Kindergarten to Eleven Plus,
We don't have to Talk About Kevin, cos
For me right now, I know it would be wrong...

So put that condom on. (John)

credits

from The Commission, released February 6, 2014
Written and performed by Rachel Parris
Music produced by Laurence Hobbs

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about

Rachel Parris London, UK

Rachel Parris is an award-winning musical comedian based in London. For more info or to see her live, follow her on twitter or see her website!

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